Great Expectations...
Monday 14 May 2007
I guess I'm writing because He misunderstood Me again tonight when I didn't want to drive him to cricket...
He doesn't even Ask me; He just Expects things.
Like the other night he Expected sex because he came home (eventually) even though I was sick and said No so he called Me a bitch in front of Littlest Son (after three hours of harassment).
Sometimes I feel like He just wants to show Me he loves me; but the rest of the time I feel like I may as well not even be there when we fuck. He could be doing it to Anyone...
I know I'm paranoid; I can't help it- but I only get the idea that he wants to be with other women from Him. I didn't imagine the name Marcie, did I? Or Kimmy? Or Sarah? Or Jayne? He's the one who tells Me about these girls and plant the doubts in my mind.
YOU make me paranoid, Hubby; even if you don't realise how or why- it doesn't matter. If you wouldn't mention it, it wouldn't hurt me. I wouldn't care that you have female friends except that You Don't have female friends. I wouldn't care except you tell me how well you get on with Marcie, how She is you're Friend- when you would never describe Me in the same way. Even though We're the one's who've been through so much together.
She's your friend. Not me. And that hurts my feelings.
I'm trying to hang onto You more than Anything else I've ever done. Even if I get it wrong sometimes I Always try.
And for all your speeches I reckon You can't say the same thing...
...because as I see it sometimes You just don't give a fuck about Me or the kids.
What makes it worse?
When You imply I do That more than you; when if you look inside Yourself you Know I care More about you than you've ever cared for Me.
I always have. I Always will.
Why can't I expect that from You...
He doesn't even Ask me; He just Expects things.
Like the other night he Expected sex because he came home (eventually) even though I was sick and said No so he called Me a bitch in front of Littlest Son (after three hours of harassment).
Sometimes I feel like He just wants to show Me he loves me; but the rest of the time I feel like I may as well not even be there when we fuck. He could be doing it to Anyone...
I know I'm paranoid; I can't help it- but I only get the idea that he wants to be with other women from Him. I didn't imagine the name Marcie, did I? Or Kimmy? Or Sarah? Or Jayne? He's the one who tells Me about these girls and plant the doubts in my mind.
YOU make me paranoid, Hubby; even if you don't realise how or why- it doesn't matter. If you wouldn't mention it, it wouldn't hurt me. I wouldn't care that you have female friends except that You Don't have female friends. I wouldn't care except you tell me how well you get on with Marcie, how She is you're Friend- when you would never describe Me in the same way. Even though We're the one's who've been through so much together.
She's your friend. Not me. And that hurts my feelings.
I'm trying to hang onto You more than Anything else I've ever done. Even if I get it wrong sometimes I Always try.
And for all your speeches I reckon You can't say the same thing...
...because as I see it sometimes You just don't give a fuck about Me or the kids.
What makes it worse?
When You imply I do That more than you; when if you look inside Yourself you Know I care More about you than you've ever cared for Me.
I always have. I Always will.
Why can't I expect that from You...
Labels: Posted by Twisted
Bitter & Twisted 10:49 pm, | 
2 Comments:
Deep down- he does.
Really deep down he must.
Really deep down he must.
He does this to you because it's how he makes himself feel bigger...more of a man. It's how he keeps you on your toes. Deep down, I bet he is terrified you will leave him. Deep down, I bet he knows you are a better person than he will ever be. Deep down, I bet he knows all the shit he keeps putting you through.